Gym funnies

A sexy bitch has to stay in shape. I go to gym at least 5 x / week and follow a stringent weights program.

It’s often a challenge to leave my double down duvet bed to brace the cold and dark to make it in time to have proper workout and still get to work on time, but I do it. I always project myself to the feeling I have when I’m at the office after a good gym session. Not much can beat that.

To say that I’m not at my best at 5am is putting it lightly. I’ve been known to do a few very silly and forgetful things. I’ve opened my gym bag after a really warm shower on occasion to find that I don’t have a bra packed in. (Thankfully it was in winter so I just kept my many layers on.) I’ve had to go commando a number of times, and not by choice.

A little while ago, I was punished (by myself) for not getting up in time in the morning. I went to gym after work only to realise that I didn’t have any gym shoes packed in. I trained in my socks as I knew I couldn’t miss the session. I caught many strange glances, but I gave them a look that said “Didn’t you get the ‘no shoes’ memo?” I also made sure I trained arms that day.

My most recent adventure was on a day where I made it into the gym on time. I avoided that mirrors at all costs as I knew that I looked like the worst possible version of myself. I had woken up with a terrible sinus headache and puffy eyes and a swollen face. I didn’t really care what I looked like as I was there to train and not pick up anyone. (Thankfully there isn’t anyone at the gym who attracts me in the slightest either.)

I was training chest and back which involved a number of exercises using dumbells. I do supersets and do 4 sets of each. I find that I train harder than normal when I don’t feel well as I try and push myself to compensate for it.   I had finished my workout and took the weights back to the weight rack. As I placed the weights next to each other, I noticed something strange. I took a closer look and realised that I had been using 2 different sized weights!! I started laughing out loud right there. My day was made. I can be such a dumb ass at times!!!


Morning Session

It was fresh and dark out when she arrived at the gym.  She greeted the personal trainer, the only other person there at that time of the day.

She quickly took her outer layers off and started her warm up.

She loved the new gym she had recently joined. The music was fantastic, it was just warm enough and there was usually only her and the personal trainer at the times that she chose to train.  The environment was conducive to a hard work out.

She looked in the mirror and realised that she had a massive nipple stand. She was wearing a top with a built in bra but it didn’t do much to hide them. She looked up and caught the personal trainer staring. She gave him a mischievous smile and their gaze held for a few moments longer than was necessary.

She’d built up a really good sweat and her body was alive. He was on the exercise bike as she walked passed to the change rooms.

“Time to try and wash this sweat off me”.

“Need some help?”

She caught his gaze for a second. “Yes please”

She had her eyes closed enjoying the feeling of the warm water caressing her stiff body. She thought she heard someone move around outside but didn’t pay too much attention to it. Probably one of the cleaning staff.

The shower curtain moved and before she could comprehend what was happening, she was pulled into strong arms. She looked up and he kissed her. Her entire body responded as his hands started working his way over it.  She reached for the soap, lathered her hands and then started soaping his body. The feeling of his rippling muscles under her touch drove her wild. She worked her way down his body, down his powerful legs, rubbing her hands over his bulging calves.  She slowly worked her way up his legs again. Up to his groin. Soap all over his balls. He lets out a moan. That’s all the encouragement she needs. She takes his rock hard cock between her hands and washes it.  She goes onto her knees in front of him. She looks up at him. The water running over both of them. She takes him between her lips and starts sucking him as her hands are still washing the rest of his body. He has his hands in her hair and pulls her head so that his cock gets forced deep into her throat.  The water is caressing her hard nipples along with the rest of her body. She can hear weights been dropped on the floor above them so she is aware that they are not alone any more. She is beyond caring.  She starts moaning as she feels his cock swell and throb.

Without warning he grabs her under her arms and lifts her up and onto him. She hooks her legs around his waist as he pushes himself into her. They are kissing passionately. Water everywhere. He is so big and strong. She moves her body along with his rhythm as he starts fucking her.  Her entire body is on fire. She is gripping his strong arms so hard that he will have bruises. He pushes her back against the wall so that he can fuck her harder.  She bites into his shoulder as she comes. He quickly turns her around and takes himself to his own explosion with a variety of hard and slow strokes. She comes again with him.

He pulls out, washes himself off and leaves.

She manages to get herself dried and dressed. She walks passed the workout area on her way out of the building. He’s on the bike right near the door. He catches her eye with a knowing look.  “Have a good day”

Treasure Hunt

They were about an hour into the scheduled 3-hour teleconference. As much as this was an important meeting to the business, he was bored out of his mind.

The receptionist opened the door softly, apologised to everyone gathered and handed him a note.

He opened it: “There is an urgent matter that needs your immediate attention. Please go to the receptionist on the ground floor to collect the details”

This was very strange. Under normal circumstances he would ignore the message and go and see what it was all about after the meeting, but he would use any excuse to have a break now.

“Ladies and Gents, may I please ask that we have a coffee and comfort break for ½ an hour as I have an urgent matter to attend to”

He quickly went to the receptionists as instructed and asked for his message. He was handed a white envelope. He opened it and read “Make your way to the 5th floor. You will find further instructions with the Strelitzia”. He was intrigued and made his way to the 5th floor.

He was unfamiliar with the floor. He found himself in a waiting area. He smiled at the receptionist and cast his eyes around for the flower. He couldn’t find one. He looked around and noticed that the coffee table book was on indigenous flowers to SA. He walked over, picked up the book and paged through it. He found the page on Stelizias and removed the note. “Use the stairs and make your way up to the 7th floor”

He did as instruct. As he pushed open the door on the 7th floor, a piece of paper fell to his feet. He picked it up and read: “Left and left”

He walked left and turned left again and found himself facing the disabled toilets. He pushed open the door. He felt hands going around his eyes. “WHAT THE….!”

“Shhhhh….. it was a female voice. The hands were replaced with a blindfold. Warm, eager lips on his. Hands exploring his body. His belt being undone. His button being loosened. His zip pulled down. His pants and underpants pushed down to his ankles.

Wet mouth over his very hard cock. Small hands on his ass cheeks, pulling him deeper into her mouth. He could feel his excitement mount very quickly. She stood up and he felt her as she guided his cock. He could feel her wet pussy lips as she pushed back and welcomed him in to her. He put his hands around her slim hips and pounded into her. She was either very tall or wearing heels so she was the perfect height.

He felt her muscles contracting as she came. He followed suite with a massive explosion. He leaned back against the wall for a few seconds of recovery. He heard the door open. He removed the blind fold, but it was too late…. She was gone.


The unexpected cold and rain that was unusual for this time of the year ensured that the movie house was packed.

He’d agreed to watch the latest chick flick with her mostly because they hadn’t realised how busy it would be and all the other movies were sold out.

He was a good sport but she knew he was hating it. She had to admit that she wasn’t captivated by the tepid story line either.

They were sitting in the back row in love seats. She looked at their neighbours on either side of them. Both were guys with their girlfriends. She could see that they were bored too. She decided to change this into a movie that everyone close by would remember.

She put her hand on his lap and swiftly unzipped his pants. Her hand slipped into his underpants and he gasped as her cold hand clasped his flaccid penis. It didn’t stay that way for very long as her hands warmed up quickly as she started giving him a hand job. She knew him well and knew just the pressure and strokes that worked best on him.

She leaned in and whispered in his ear “put your leg on the chairs so that I can lean against your chest please”. He did so. She leaned against him at an angle so that she could still move her hand comfortably up and down his very hard cock. She looked to either side and saw that both their neighbours were very aware of what was going on. The one wasn’t even pretending to watch the movie anymore. She caught his eye and gave him a mischievous grin.

She bent right over and took the cock in her mouth. She could feel that his initial reaction was shock but it quickly changed to pleasure. She was happy that the movie was loud and not many people could hear the noises of pleasure that were escaping from her. She loved sucking cock and feeling his pleasure mount and knowing that they had a small audience got her even more excited.  She didn’t want to miss out.

She sat up again and leaned in and whispered “let’s get out of here”. He fumbled with his zip as she gathered up her bag. She grabbed his hand and pulled him behind her as they squeezed past everyone to get out. She smiled to herself as she knew that the neighbours would know where they were going.

She lead him to the toilets that were empty as all the movies where less than half way through. She pushed him into the closest cubicle and onto the seat. She kissed him passionately as she got his pants down and climbed onto him. He was still hard and got even harder as she rode him.  She was really wet and came hard, gripping his cock with her muscles.  He pushed her off him and against the wall where he took her from behind until he reached his own climax.

They didn’t bother going back into the movie.



She started chatting to a guy on one of the chat sites. He seemed great and decent and lived in a penthouse in Sandon

She had just come out of a very vanilla 8-year long relationship.

She wanted excitement

They chatted for a while. He said that he has a fantasy he’d love to try but couldn’t find anyone willing to help him with it.

She loved a challenge and asked to hear what it was.

He told her to Google pegging. She did as instructed.

She agreed to do it if he bought a strap on and the right lube.

She went to his place dressed normally. She told him to go put the equipment in the bathroom and to go and wait for her naked on his bed.

She went into the bathroom and changed into a leather Dominatrix outfit, that she’d lent from a friend, stripper heels and the strap on.

The lights were dimmed in the room but he could still see her as she walked in and instructed him to go on all fours

She ran huge amounts of lube down his but cheeks and then massaged it into his ass, using a finger or two to open it up.

She pulled him so that his bum was right at the edge of the bed. It was the perfect height for her with her heels on. She rubbed more lube on the strap on and proceeded to fuck him. She was quite rough but he loved it.

When he came, she took the strap on off and threw it at him, went and changed and left.

They never had contact again.

Date Night In

They have a night in. They have a few drinks and get tipsy. They are both naked as that’s how they hang when they’re alone. There’s obviously a lot of physical interaction.  At one stage he is sitting on a chair. She stands behind him, massaging his back and chest and kissing his ears and neck etc. she blind folds him.

He hears her walk away.

He feels her hands on him again.  She’s back.


There’s a second pair of hands. His senses are working overtime. One mouth on his mouth, another on his cock. Hands everywhere.

After a lot of playing, he gets taken by the hand and lead to sit on the edge on the bed. He feels someone behind him. His head in a pair of hands guiding it forward. Pressure against his lips, forcing them open. Cock in his mouth. His tongue explores.

He feels a mouth on your cock too. He matches the rhythm on his cock with his own rhythm. There are strong hands on his shoulders. Small hands working their way over his balls and between his legs.

His entire sack and crack are wet from the licking, kissing and sucking. He feels slight pressure and he pushes against it. He feels something inserted. Sensory overload….

Suddenly the hands on his shoulders grip really tightly and he tastes the peppery explosion in his mouth. He feels him collapsing on the bed next to him. Now there’s a new sensation…. she is on his cock. She has pushed him back onto the bed and is riding him hard. He feels the anal beads being worked in and out of him at the same time. ‘I’m going to cum!’. Her muscles contact hard around his as the beads get pulled out.  EXPLOSION💥💥💥💥

He hears the door open and shut and when she removes the blind fold from his eyes, they are alone.

Burpee Challenge

Early in January I matched with a man on Tinder who’s closing line was: Is there a woman out there who is brave enough to accept the 10 000 burpee challenge with me?

Not one for letting a challenge pass me by, my first message to him was: I accept.

Turned out that he was from America. He explained to me that the challenge entailed doing 100 burpees per day for 100 days.  I told him I might struggle as I have a bad back and can’t kick my legs back. He told me that’s no excuse as I could just adapt it by putting one leg back at a time. I did a few to test it out and then agreed.

I committed to starting the following day.  I sent a message to a number of my guy friends here in SA challenging them to join me. Only one accepted.

The first few days were slow and painful. I broke the hundred into sets of 10 with long rest periods in between. After every 100 I would send my local friend a green tick. He would send me one in  return when his were done.

Every few days, I’d send the American a message to report my progress. He was very slow to respond an often didn’t even bother.

I started doing my burpees in between my sets of normal exercise at gym. I found that getting them done was much easier and it kept my heart rate up which I believe burnt lots of calories.

There were many days that I didn’t think I could do them because my back was so sore, but even though I felt and looked like an old woman, I got through them. I refused to give up.

After a few weeks of trying to make contact with the American with no responses I received a message from him saying he had injured himself and had stopped at 1700 burpees. He wished me luck and unmatched me. This made me more determined than ever to succeed.

By the time I reached 5000, my local partner had fallen seriously behind due to work and illness.  I convinced another friend to start and join me for the last 5000.

At a party one night I bumped into a Facebook friend of mine who I didn’t see very often. She told me that she had started as soon as I posted that I was doing the challenge on Facebook and she was going head to head with me. I was so happy and assured her that we would finish together. I reported our progress on Facebook every 1000 burpees to keep us both motivated.  Our friends were encouraging and cheered us on. There were many days where I forced myself to do the burpees as I knew I couldn’t disappoint my friends. They all had so much faith in me.

At the beginning of April I got a massive knot in my back . I almost cried with every push-up I did. With only 1000 burpees  to go,  I eventually went and got a valtaren and cortisone injection. I was instructed to give my body 5 days total rest. I almost cried.

With my original end date looming in 5 days, I resumed the burpees. I had to do 200 / day to make up for my lost days. My back was still knotted but I pushed through the pain. I think those were some of the hardest days of my life.

My proudest moment was when I could finally announce to my friends and the world that I had achieved my goal. I had completed 10 000 burpees in 100 days!
I posted an after photo of myself in a bikini on Facebook.  The response was overwhelming.  So my people said they also wanted to do something to improve themselves.

I am starting a Squat and Ab challenge with 12 new partners. This makes me happy!